A year and a half ago, I made a very big decision in life–I returned to conventional medicine. In-truth it was my choice to commit back to being me.
For more than 20 years, western medicine has been something I was both fearful of and shunned. I avoided doctors of all kinds and worked on myself with a myriad of alternative therapies.
Occasionally, I would visit some homeopathic practitioners and perhaps a chinese doctor or two and a body practitioner. The true reason for my going cold turkey on conventional medicine though (a reason that I did not want to be honest about until many years later), was of my dependency on conventional medicine to “fix” me, and deep within, this irresponsibility in life was not something comfortable to feel, a constant angst lingered within.
Therefore, by resisting conventional medicine, I had the “excuse” of further not taking responsibility for myself and my life, and I further blamed it all on how harming western medicine and its side effects are on the body. Every time I felt unwell, I would turn to alternative therapies, which they would soothe me of my rough times for a while, until the issues re-surfaced without truly being resolved.
This all went on relatively well for many years, until alternative therapies no longer were able to soothe one of the toughest time in my life. That said, it was also my own choice to begin once again, to be honest and responsible for my life.
In this process of returning, I met with Anna, one my first conventional medicine doctors, the first in almost two decades. Prior to seeing her, I did not know her nor have ever heard about her. I picked her because one morning in deep desperation I knew my body needed help, and I knew it was western medicine I had to call upon, YET my mind was unable to let go of its attachment to all the ideals and beliefs that have been built up over the last few decades about western medicine. The conflict was immense.
How my heart knew Anna was the doctor for me, was in the stillness of that morning, I searched on the internet and found her name amongst many other doctors, and simply, I knew she was the one for me. It was a moment of simplicity that confirmed this guidance–her practice was very convenient to go to and when I called to book an appointment, her receptionist Yen, told me someone else has cancelled and Anna could see me immediately on the same day.
I was emotionally and mentally a wreck the first time we met. Yet, in sharing with her, there was a very strong feeling of being met. Over the months that I got to know Anna better, I realised we share very varied experiences in life, yet, there was a commonality between us that bridges personal experiences. We shared an understanding and a truth that goes beyond individuality.
With this trust that was felt from our meetings, and honoring these feelings, as well as from the constant support and inspiration from S.B. and Universal Medicine, I came very quickly to an understanding that taking responsibility for myself and committing back to being the real me, is the true healing that western medicine beautifully support. When I was ready to let go of the fighting within myself of doubting, and not trusting western medicine generally, yet at the same time, consistently, steadily and honestly committing back to being who I am and always in gentleness, the side effects of the medication experienced that I had to take, were minimal.
It has been one and a half years since then. It is a rather long (but in terms of the big picture, really not) process, that has been worthwhile every single moment. The miracle experienced is a living testimony that is mutually experienced between Anna and myself. It has always been a growth together, between doctor and patient, but really more truly, between two human beings.
When I saw Anna as a patient for the last time, her eyes beaming she remarked, “how amazing this one and half years have been–for the both of us. How amazing the growth you have returned to, almost too quick for my eyes to witness and capture.” What a testimony of true love lived.
Life is simply a miracle, and we are the amazingness.