As I sit in the beautiful Hoi An writing this, I am aware that I am far from perfect. For the last few days I have been caught up that if I am not feeling totally fabulous or having down to the last detail how life has to be, then life cannot be a pleasure, or more truthfully, I cannot enjoy the pleasure of myself. And therefore, for a few days, I have not enjoyed myself very much.
As a write this, I am still far from feeling perfect, but I have decided no longer to let the marker of feeling fabulous deter me from expressing my true self. How I came to this choice is not because I am being hard on my body, ignoring or numbing it further. Rather, it was because despite of feeling not perfect, I still continued to feel the immense love that we are in the body, and therefore is it not obvious that, we do not have to be perfect, to express from the divinity that we all are.
For most of my life, I have been imprisoned by the lie that I can only be myself when I feel awesome. (Of course, that makes it all the more easier). But with that logic, by default it means, when I am not feeling perfect, I cannot be who I am, and guess what? I am no longer buying into this lie anymore. For all the times before that I have compromised who I am, because I have not had enough sleep, or when life has happened that was out of my expectation, I have successfully allowed myself to be diverted into expressing as less than who I am. And the more I do this, it simply keeps me in the contraction further and longer, when what I still feel inside of me is love.
Therefore, this day in the beautiful Hoi An, my friend S and I ventured out to some tailor shops and the first reflection that greeted me back was one of nothing but a miracle. It has been one year since I last visited Hoi An, and all the lovely people I have met on my last visit from the shops all came out and waved to us when we passed by. Not only that, they have remembered me and exactly what I have bought (or not bought) in their shops, and have commented, “you have changed your hair style”. I had not expected any of them to have remembered me, let alone remembered me when I looked so different outwardly the last time I visited. It seemed that time has not occurred.
The truth is, when we have felt the love in our bodies, and have chosen to live according to this love, any moment we are not living this love, the body would feel so much discomfort that it becomes almost impossible to perpetuate what is not true anymore.
Although life can never be perfect, every moment it is our choice to true love or not, and indeed it is such a pleasure being here, because it is true love that we have all got.