Saying no to abuse


When someone expresses in violent emotions, there is no doubt that they are in deep hurt. But directing the hurt that one does not want to feel or be responsible for at someone else is never okay. It is abuse.

It does not matter if this is a scenario between husbands and wives, parents and children, siblings, employers and employees, friends or even strangers. It does not matter which side initiates it. If this happens, there is abuse.

We tend to stereotype what abuse is. For example, physical abuse is generally believed to be something that men do to women or that parents do to children, but abuse is far from stereotypical, it could happen in ways more than we can imagine.

Are we more permissible of certain scenarios of abuse over others?

Abuse is abuse.

What we may perceive as light abuse when condoned is the breeding ground for more serious abuse. Saying yes to any form and degradation of abuse, is saying yes to all abuse in the world.

A child who screams, kicks, and hits others continuously to get what he wants, is abuse.

A partner who shuts out any or all communication in a relationship, is abuse.

A parent who finds fault with his child consistently especially when he shines, is abuse.

A taxi driver who intentionally drives his passenger recklessly because the route is a short one, is abuse.

A photographer who objectifies a woman in the camera, is abuse.

These are only a few examples of abuse that we may ignore or brush aside, justifying that they are normal or insignificant, or that we are just too sensitive.  Our bodies always feel, so perhaps our sensitivity is present for important reasons?  And what would be the consequences of consistently ignoring how our bodies feel? Or maybe we condone them, as don’t we do them sometimes?

Abuse is not only physical, it can be emotional and psychological. Abuse is not always literal or loud.

Catching what is abuse and clocking or expressing it, is what is necessary to not perpetuate the numbing of abuse in our lives, as well as in the world.  That said, understanding why abuse happens and especially why it happens in our lives, and taking responsibility for that, is how abuse can be transformed.

Ultimately, it is the deep understanding and tenderness that we give to ourselves, that we can also extend to others.  It is also with deep love for ourselves, that we must speak out about abuse–for knowing the equal love we are as human beings, any speck of abuse directed, witnessed and felt in ourselves and others, is a reminder that we are so much more–and that is what we deeply miss and truly wish to return to and live.

2 thoughts on “Saying no to abuse

  1. Beautiful blog Adele and a very important discussion. As we raise our own levels of self love the more subtle forms of abuse become apparent. This includes abuse to self, abuse to others, and allowing abuse from others.

    Adele I very much agree with your words. To hold others in the equality of our love we must ask them to also examine abuse, because there is a greater way for us all to live. We must ask them to return to the love they naturally are because abuse is part of the very pain we express because we miss this place inside ourselves so much. Abuse is only present because of that separation to the love within. It’s so important to always ask those around us to step up to love, and reflect to them there is so much more to life than living feeling empty or in pain.

  2. So very true Melinda. Saying no to abuse is possible when we begin to return to self-love, and then a true perspective in life starts to appear. Every day I am inspired by how a true relationship always welcomes us to go deeper and higher into being more loving and understanding towards ourselves and others.

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