I found the most beautiful moment of my childhood self in this picture.
I am beautiful because I know I am unaffected by how you see me.
I am beautiful because I am not held by the picture of what a woman is supposed to be in the world. I have a woman’s body but I am not imprisoned by gender or age. I am beautiful because I know who I am, I can clearly feel this in my body.
I am beautiful not because I smile at you or not, whether you like me or not.
My existence in the world is an absolute gift, this does not require your approval. I am beautiful not because of how I look or dress, my beauty is not controlled by what is on the outside, and this is true freedom to me.
I am beautiful because I will never give up on the confirmation of my own love and joy.
I am beautiful because I see you as equally beautiful.
The absolute confirmation of myself allows me to see the equality between us. I am not affected by reactions and in that I am saying, “you can also confirm yourself”. I take you seriously because I know how grand you are. I will not give up in living true freedom, because everyone of us share the same freedom within our hearts.
In my growing up, I have forgotten my own beauty. I smiled because I needed your approval and acceptance. I said “yes” when I really wanted to say “no”. I took care of the world but forgot about myself. I did all the “right” things, but I was never truly happy.
But I have not forgotten what true beauty is, and I have never given up in living this intimacy with myself and with the world. Having put this aside for a while, there is a bit of getting used to in re-discovering, but I am willing to keep feeling and expressing.
I am not looking for perfection, and in acceptance that I am imperfect—I am introducing you once again to the unedited and amazing me.
Photos: (left) Yim Chan, (right) Eric Tseng
(Chinese text originally published in Being Ms Magazine Issue 1)
(原文刊登於香港01Being Ms 雜誌 Issue 1)
小時候最美麗的時刻 , 我在這張照片找到了。
我美麗 , 因為我知道我不在乎你怎樣看我。我的美麗 , 不在乎世界對女性、女孩的定義 是什麼。雖然附着女性的身體 , 我知道其實我不被性別或年紀所定義。我美麗 , 因為我知道我 是誰 ; 這在我身體裏肯定感受到。
我的美麗 , 不在乎我對你笑或不笑、你喜歡我或否。
我的存在是世上絕對的禮物 , 這也毋須你認同與否。我的美麗不在乎我的外貌或打扮 , 不被外在枷鎖 , 就是真正的自由。我美麗 , 因為我絕對不會違背自己的肯定和快樂。
我美麗 , 因為我同樣看見你的美麗。我對自己的肯定 , 也絕對把你看得跟我同等 , 和重 要。我不受你的影響 , 是告訴你 , 你也能自我肯定。我認真地看你 , 是知道你有更大的潛能可 釋放。我不違背自由 , 是因為每人也有同樣的自由在心內。
在成長的過程裏 , 我忘記了自己的美麗。我笑 , 是為了被認同和被接受 ; 我說「是」, 其 實 我 想 說 「 不 」。 我 照 顧 了 全 世 界 , 卻 忽 略 了 自 己 。 我 去 迎 合 世 界 的 「 對 」, 卻 從 來 沒 有 感 到 快樂。
但我沒有遺忘何為真正的美麗 , 也從來也沒放棄去尋回與自己、和與世界的親密。遺忘 久了 , 難免要適應 , 但我願意去感受 , 和表達。
我不在乎完美 , 而是接受在不完美之中 , 不再遮掩 , 毫無保留地再次去活出真正的自己。